Tag Archives: Self Help

Guest Post – Child Confidence by Judy Bartkowiak


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When the lovely Faye Rogers asked me if I would like to be part of this fab blog tour I jumped at the chance.  Being a mother myself I thought this was a great way to see what this book was about a bit further as it sounded really interesting!

For my stop on the blog tour the lovely author Judy Bartkowiak talks to us about confidence in our children with some handy tips to help with our children’s confidence.

A huge thank you to Faye Rogers and author Judy Bartkowiak for having me on this wonderful tour!


About The Book

Be A Happier Parent with NLP

Publisher – McGraw-Hill

Date Published – January 1st 2011

Pages – 209 pages

Format – Paperback

Category – Non-Fiction, Self-Help, Living and Learning

“Be A Happier Parent with NLP” gives you the skills you need to raise a confident, secure child in a confident and secure manner. The book uses the tried, trusted and proven techniques of neuro-linguistic programming to help tackle areas in which you may feel you lack confidence as a parent, while at the same time giving you the skills to help your child be happy, fulfilled and confident him- or herself. You’ll find yourself feeling less guilty, more in control, and communicating better with your child–at the same time be able to support your child in difficult situations and help him or her grow into a well-rounded adult.

Includes: Personal insights from the author’s many years of experience of working with children Practical exercises to help you engage with the book and act on what you learn One, five and ten-minute introductions to key principles to get you started Lots of instant help with common problems and quick tips for success, based on the authors’ many years of experience Tests in the book and online to keep track of your progress Quick refreshers to help you remember the key facts.

You can find out more about this fab book here –

Goodreads Link: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9888089-be-a-happier-parent-with-nlp?from_search=true&search_version=service

Amazon Buy Link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happier-Parent-Teach-Yourself-General/dp/144411056X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435876640&sr=8-1&keywords=be+a+happier+parent+with+nlp


Child Confidence

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I read the other day that failure is children’s greatest fear nowadays, not monsters under the bed or even the bully in the playground. What children fear most is failing, yet in life we know as their parents that life will present many challenges and opportunities to make mistakes so if they fear failure now, how will they learn the resilience that they will need to cope with those challenges they face further down the road in life? We need to teach them confidence because this is like having your own built-in protection.

 It may seem strange to talk about teaching confidence, after all, we assume children already have it don’t we? When parents bring children to me (I’m also an NLP Kids Coach) they talk about their child having lost their confidence so one of the things I do with children is to find it again and that’s what you can do, here’s how.

1.  When we start to notice that our child seems shy or quiet in company, starts fidgeting when people speak to them or doesn’t meet their eye contact we think they lack self-esteem and describe them as ‘shy’. When they say they don’t want to do something or they opt out of social situations or opportunities to join in, again this confirms that they seem to lack confidence. We put these different examples together and it starts to build a bigger picture of a child with low self-esteem. Maybe we find ourselves only noticing these patterns because we are slightly worried about it and we no longer notice examples of confident behaviour. This is very typical. When we are worried about something, we find ourselves noticing more and more of it. So what can you do to turn the tide? Instead, become curious. Start looking for signs of confidence everywhere. You will see it. The more you look for it, the more you’ll see it as well.  Children notice what you are taking an interest in and subconsciously they will display more of the confident behaviour as well.

2.  Sometimes we justify their lack of confidence by saying that we are quite shy ourselves or we perhaps also avoid opportunities to be centre stage. Our children model us. What they see us do is their pattern for life so if we hold back then they will copy that way of being and value it as the right way to be. They will be critical of others who are more confident and find their friends amongst others like them with whom they feel comfortable. So you need to model how you’d like them to be. Act as if you were confident to show them how to do it.

3.  Children need to find their own way of being confident and you can help by asking them who amongst their friends or their schoolmates is confident in a way that they’d like to be confident or which TV character or book character? Then suggest that when they are going into a situation that could be challenging they should imagine they are that person and ask themselves “what would he/she do now or say now?”

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For more ideas on how to build confidence in your child email judy@nlpkids.com for your free copy of ‘Confidence for kids’ (EBook or PDF).


About The Author

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Judy Bartkowiak is the author of ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ a guide to using life coaching skills to enhance your parenting. Judy and her husband Edward have four children – Lucy, Alex, Jess and Paul and live in rural Berkshire with their dogs Roxy and Holly and nine hens. Other NLP Family (www.nlpfamily.com) titles are:

 Workbooks

NLP for Parents

NLP for Children (5-10yrs)

NLP for Tweens (11-14yrs)

NLP for Teens (15yrs+)

NLP for Teachers

NLP for New Mums

NLP for Weight Loss

NLP for Work

NLP for Back to Work

 Self-Esteem Workbook

NLP Workbook

Secrets of the NLP Masters

 Judy Bartkowiak comes from a business background where she worked with Toy companies and TV production companies helping them to understand children and their relationship with brands such as LEGO, Baby Born, Bratz, Thomas the Tank Engine, Pocoyo, Fireman Sam and many other well-known names. She runs Kids Brands Europe alongside her NLP training and coaching www.kidsresearch.co.uk and has a Facebook Kids Panel for Market Research which is done online or from her home.

 She has an NLP training and coaching practice NLP Kids www.nlpfamily.com, specialising in child and parenting issues and runs Kids Brands Europe (www.kidsresearch.co.uk) as well as writing for children as JudyBee.

 Judy loves playing tennis and reading as well as spending time with her family.

 Email Judy judy@nlpkids.com for your FREE mini book ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ and apply code ‘Blog’ to get 10% discount off Judy’s books  at www.nlpandkidsbooks.com 


Blog Tour

Don’t forget to follow the rest of this awesome blog tour!

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Have you read this book?  What did you think?  What did you think of the Confidence guest post?  I would love to hear from you!  Why not leave a comment using the reply button at the top of the post or tweet me on twitter using @chelleytoy !

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Guest Post – Anxiety by Faye Rogers


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Today I am honoured to bring to you an inspirational honest guest post from awesome blogger and friend Faye Rogers about anxiety.

It is a truthful post as Faye herself suffers from anxiety and within it there is strength and courage and I have total admiration for Faye for being so open……


 Anxiety

For as long as I can remember, I have suffered with anxiety. There are times in my life that I remember, mostly as a child, when I lived a carefree life. I remember doing things without thought that I would now struggle to do without having a full blown panic attack. The problem is that these are things that other people still do without blinking, such as eating without washing their hands, eating at buffets, sharing a bag of crisps or sweets, shaking hands, high-fiving people and kissing, and getting messy and dirty without fear or worry.

 What you may notice is that the above things have something in common; germs. For some reason, I feel very anxious about germs. I know that the reason for this is because it is something I cannot see or control. I do not know if I have germs on me, I do not know if those germs will cause me to be ill, or worse die and I cannot control the outcome if they do. I do not know what germs other people carry – even though I know deep down they probably don’t have any germs, I can’t stop my brain from thinking that they just might.

 Knowing why my anxiety occurs, however, does not stop it from cropping up all over the place. It is helpful in some respects but not so helpful in others, especially when other people just don’t get it and because you can’t find the words to explain it, can’t get them to truly understand. The biggest problem about explaining anxiety to someone who doesn’t have anxiety problems is that they don’t realise that you already know your fears and worries are not rational.

 The most common things I hear from strangers, friends and loved ones are along the lines of;

– “You really just need to get over it.”

– “But that doesn’t make any sense.”

– “Well, that’s not a rational outlook.”

– “Do you really have to ruin the fun?”

– “It’s fine, just eat it.”

– “Just stop.”

 They’re not saying these things maliciously. They just don’t understand. And that’s the problem. There isn’t enough information and awareness on anxiety for people to know that anxiety is often outside of our control. It is an illness and while it can be controlled, it will never fully be cured. I will have good days and I will have bad days but my anxiety will never fully disappear. This is something that I have come to live with and accept and it has made dealing with my illness a lot easier.

 The fact that very few people understand about anxiety means that I actually struggle to be forward about it. It’s gotten better in the last few years, especially since I went to therapy and did CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) for it, but it still isn’t something I outwardly talk about to new people and some people in my family still don’t know that I struggle with anxious thoughts and feelings. So I’m hoping that in a few years time I can stop hiding away because people will understand what I’m going through and be able to help due to being better informed about it.

 So today I wanted to give a few pointers about some good ways to deal with people who suffer from anxiety, just in case you know someone who does.

 – Be sympathetic; Tell them that you understand and allow them to take as much time as they need to, to overcome whatever is causing their anxiety at that given moment. Never rush them. The more you rush, the more pressure they’ll feel and the worse the anxious feeling/panic attack will occur.

 – Don’t make their anxieties small; Avoid telling your friend that they’re “being silly” or that they should “get over it”. Because we are trying to do that but it’s not that easy. A lot of the time we don’t understand why we feel the way we do so we don’t know how to get over it and telling us we’re being silly makes us feel small and makes us believe our feelings and thoughts are not worth your time.

 – Don’t be judgmental; We need to know that you’re not going to tease us for the way we feel or look down upon us, especially if our anxiety is hindering something we’re doing or need to do. These actions will make us feel alone, depressed and, incidentally more anxious because now we’ll be fearing our uncontrollable reactions around you.

 – Listen to us and try to calm us down; A lot of the time talking about what is making us anxious can help to reduce it. When we’re anxious, it’s possibly that we’re waging a war in our own heads about how we’re feeling. The rational side trying to calm us down while the irrational takes full control. If you hear us and don’t belittle our thoughts but try to help in a calm, gentle and supportive manor, you may be able to help to. But please do not feel insulted if you don’t. It is not you, it is the illness.

 – Understand that anxiety has physical attributes; We may have a problem in our brains but it can manifest itself into physical problems. These can be gut issues, nauseous, symptoms of heart attack (but despite thinking we’re having a heart attack, we’re not), shaking, pacing, shortness of breath, freezing up and sweating. If we tell you we feel anxious and starting getting physical attributes, just try and keep us calm but most importantly, just be there for us.

 – Don’t force us to do anything; You may think that getting someone who is anxious to face their fear has the potential to help and it definitely can but only if said person is ready. By forcing us, either physically or emotionally, you may be crippling our anxieties later and making what could be passed quickly to manifest into a full blown panic attack. Would you force someone with diabetes to eat a bowl of sugar? In this case, if we say we don’t want to do something, let it slide and move on.

 – Treat us like humans; Please, don’t act differently around us. We’re still us. We’re still humans but we just need some time sometimes. We may need to not walk on the cracks in the pavement, or not share that bag of crisps with you, we may need to wash our hands three times at once and at least twelve times a day but this is just our way of stopping the anxiety from crippling us completely.

 – Read up about anxiety; Research it. Find out more about it. Perhaps suggest we go to therapy because it could help but remember, don’t force it on us. Therapy will only work if we’re ready to go and do it. Be informed and educated and that way, we’ll feel supported, loved and less like a burden and thus may finally have more good days to bad ones.

 I’m sorry if this post feels like I’m badgering at you, I’m not trying to do that. I just know that some people don’t think before they say and do things because they just don’t know what is happening underneath it all. I also want to say that if you suffer from anxiety, you’re not alone. It’s tough and it’s hard but I am certain that we are strong and will continue to survive. Our anxiety may never fully go away, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to beat us down.

Below are some links to websites talking about anxiety and offering help and support.  They’re all very helpful and most include helplines/online help within them.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/anxiety/Pages/Introduction.aspx

 http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/understanding-panic.aspx

 http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Counselling-NHS-(IAPT)-services/LocationSearch/396

 http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help-now/anxietyinformation/anxiety-disorders/generalised-anxiety-disorder-gad/

 http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/content/assets/PDF/publications/How_to_overcome_fear_and_anxiety.pdf?view=Standard

 http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/

 http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/online-mental-health-services/Pages/introduction.aspx

 http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx

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About Faye

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A Daydreamer’s Thoughts was founded on September 15th 2011. It is a blog that consists of book reviews, film reviews, book articles, film articles, author interviews, guest posts, features, and memes. It is run by Faye who enjoys the task immensely and is always happy to communicate with her followers.

You can follow Faye on twitter using @daydreamin_star


I would like to say a huge big thank you to Faye for featuring on my blog today and for being so open and honest.  I really believe that the more we talk about mental health the more together we can crush the stigmas attached, become more aware of mental health and of course give people the courage they need to confide in people and get any help they may need without the fear of stigma!

Looking for some Mental Health reads?  Click here

For more about Mental Health and Mental Health week – please visit http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ or any of the links above!

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Guest Post – Mental Health TBR by Nancy Tucker


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I have recently been sent a copy of The Time Inbetween by Nancy Tucker by the brilliant @sablecaught who works at Icon Books.  I have not got around to reading it yet, but it is high on my TBR pile and is set to be an insprational read!

My own review will follow shortly but for now here is a bit about the book….

When Nancy Tucker was eight years old, her class had to write about what they wanted in life. She thought, and thought, and then, though she didn’t know why, she wrote: ‘I want to be thin.’ Over the next twelve years, she developed anorexia nervosa, was hospitalised, and finally swung the other way towards bulimia nervosa. She left school, rejoined school; went in and out of therapy; ebbed in and out of life. From the bleak reality of a body breaking down to the electric mental highs of starvation, hers has been a life held in thrall by food. Told with remarkable insight, dark humour and acute intelligence, The Time in Between is a profound, important window into the workings of an unquiet mind – a Wasted for the 21st century.

I was over the moon to be asked to be part of the blog tour for this books espcially as this week is Mental Health Awareness week…something I am hugely passionate about supporting!  You can find out more here where you can find advise and support for anyone who needs it whether you are suffering or know some one who is.

Therefore I asked the brilliant author Nancy Tucker who has struggled with Mental Health for a long time to share some books that are on the top of her TBR pile that champion mental health!  And she has picked some great reads that I will be adding to my pile straight away!

*hands over to Nancy*

There is also a brilliant giveaway over on Goodreads!  I will pop the link at the bottom of the post!


Top five mental health memoirs I would like to read by Nancy Tucker

Reason to Stay Alive – Matt Haig

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I know, I am shamefully late to the party with this one! I don’t tend to feel quite the same magnetic pull to depression memoirs as I do to those which explore eating disorders, simply because I’ve never personally suffered from depression in its own right, only as a by-product of anorexia/bulimia. But I’ve heard amazing things about this book, its message and the hope it conveys, so am really excited to read it.

 The Man Who Couldn’t Stop – David Adam

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I always think OCD is the disorder with the most to contend with in terms of public ignorance, misunderstanding and general stupidity, so I am really intrigued to see how this book undermines common misconceptions and explores the way in which ‘normal’ obsessions/compulsions are elevated to a torturous extreme in OCD sufferers. There’s also a personal interest for me, as though I’ve never personally experienced OCD I do think there is a significant overlap between OCD and anorexia in terms of attempting to feel safe through ritualised behaviour.

 An Unquiet Mind – Kay Redfield Jamison

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I’ve heard this referred to as ‘the definitive text on manic depression’, so it feels like a good place to start in terms of learning about a condition I currently understand very little. Though I’ve never suffered from anything even approaching manic depression myself, the notion of uncontrollable swings between mania and despair is one which does feel a little familiar to me – albeit on a much more muted scale – and I am interested to see how Jamison balances recounting her own experiences of the disorder with giving her professional insight as a clinician.

 Elena Vanishing – Elena & Clare Dunkle

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An eating disorder book which I’ve not read is a rare thing indeed, so I am very excited to get my hands on this when it is released in a couple of weeks! As far as I can tell it is a co-written account of a mother and daughter’s struggle with the daughter’s anorexia, which isn’t a novel concept (Hungry – Sheila & Lisa Himmel; Alice in the Looking Glass – Jo & Alice Kingsley) but one which I think usually works very well, as anorexia often has the most profound effect on the relationship between mother and daughter.

 Life is Trichy – Lindsey M Muller

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This is a memoir exploring the author’s struggle with trichotillomania (compulsive hair-pulling), dermatillomania (compulsive skin-picking), and a cluster of other anxiety-based problems. I’m mainly interested in the fact that the author is herself a therapist, so spent years hiding her own struggles from clients, some of whom presented with the very same struggles she herself was facing. I hope to train as a counselling psychologist in the future, and often find myself wondering whether my own experience of mental illness will augment or diminish my ability to help those I treat, so I am really interested to read about how that balance worked in someone else’s life.


A huge thank you to Nancy for a brilliant guest post and for Stevie at Icon Books for asking me to be part of this wonderful tour and for sending me a copy of the book….I can’t wait to read!

You can follow Nancy Tucker on twitter using – @NancyCNTucker

You can buy this book here or why not order it in at your local bookshop 🙂

Or find out more over at Icon Books here

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About Nancy Tucker

Nancy with her book

Nancy Tucker is a 20-year-old author and nanny. She suffered from both anorexia and bulimia nervosa throughout her teens, but is now on the road to recovery and has gained a place at Oxford to study Experimental Psychology in 2015. She lives in London.

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Giveaway!

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Hope on over to Goodreads where you could win a signed copy of The Time Inbetween!

And the giveaway is open internationally!

Enter now!

https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/137364-the-time-in-between-a-memoir-of-hunger-and-hope


Blog Tour

Why not follow the rest of this brillaint blog tour or catch up on posts!

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Have you read The Time Inbetween?  Did you enjoy it?  Are you taking part in mental health awareness week?  I would love to hear from you!  Why not leave a comment using the reply button at the top of this post or tweet me on twitter using @chelleytoy !

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